SERIES: LETTERS I NEVER WROTE

Dear ***,

I was 20 years old the last time we spoke. I wonder if you know the extent of the impact you have had on my life. You held so much of my identity between the ages of 13 and 20.  For so long I tried to shape my story, the part with you in it, to be positive.  As you know, I have always been proud of myself; a strong, independent, self-confident person.  Even as a teenager I was excellent at giving the illusion that I was in control of my life.  I made deliberate choices.  I made my present and my future.  I was in control.  But the truth is, I was 13 and you took that control away from me.  I was 25 before I realized that you were a master at making me feel in control of something that you knew you had control over the whole time.  You took advantage of me when I was at my weakest; a 13 year old girl who had just unexpectedly lost her father. You deceived me to the highest level.  You, a respected community member, a trusted church leader, a popular teacher, a master of deception, a coward.  You made me believe that I loved you.  You abused your power.  You abused me. For a long, long time you ruined my ability to understand what romantic love should look like.  It's been 15 years since we last spoke. Today, I am not a victim. And I am in control.  It took me a lot longer than it might have but I am now in a healthy, loving, happy marriage.  I know myself better than I ever thought I could thanks to year and years of therapy.  So, thank you for that.  

I often wonder how many other girls you have tricked, coerced and abused.  I wonder if it was part of your plan to keep me at bay until the statute of limitations had passed and you could no longer get in trouble for what you did to me, and likely many others.  How have you not been caught yet?  Does your wife know what you do to the young girls you teach and coach? I hope the law catches up with you.  You deserve to be in jail where you no longer have any control over anything.